Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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