whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
