So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
