I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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