i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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