we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
