Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
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By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
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Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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