I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I looked at my own cervix.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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