Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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