I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS