hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.