Texts From Last Night

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  (785): View more from Kansas

  So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?

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  (785): So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor? http://tfl.nu/b721
  Replies (13) Good night (666) Bad night (3865)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."

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  (202): But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery." http://tfl.nu/8w5e
  Replies (11) Good night (1557) Bad night (4344)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...

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  (240): I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette... http://tfl.nu/tjl0
  Replies (17) Good night (1003) Bad night (4814)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..

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  (612): I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket.. http://tfl.nu/9yr8
  Replies (7) Good night (987) Bad night (3825)
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  (772): View more from Florida

  it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night

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  (772): it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night http://tfl.nu/3jc9
  Replies (13) Good night (2486) Bad night (1909)
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  (626): View more from California

  Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.

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  (626): Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here. http://tfl.nu/81th
  Replies (3) Good night (2070) Bad night (749)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial

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  (412): No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial http://tfl.nu/kxls
  Replies (2) Good night (2686) Bad night (686)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.

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  (484): donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them. http://tfl.nu/hk6n
  Replies (0) Good night (1078) Bad night (794)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord

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  (907): his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord http://tfl.nu/yjwk
  Replies (6) Good night (1345) Bad night (653)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.

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  (828): I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me. http://tfl.nu/bode
  Replies (2) Good night (391) Bad night (496)
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Yup

  (936): View more from Texas

  I love us.

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  (936): Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn? (832): Yup (936): I love us. http://tfl.nu/6mn5
  Replies (2) Good night (755) Bad night (316)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  How early is too early to study with margaritas?

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  (256): How early is too early to study with margaritas? http://tfl.nu/2gtu
  Replies (5) Good night (554) Bad night (307)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly

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  (443): Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly (443): Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly http://tfl.nu/ja6d
  Replies (0) Good night (484) Bad night (253)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.

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  (503): Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY. http://tfl.nu/gw0u
  Replies (3) Good night (628) Bad night (280)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  That's what happens when you party with the tribe

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  (908): All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti (615): That's what happens when you party with the tribe http://tfl.nu/pa7a
  Replies (0) Good night (532) Bad night (233)

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