3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
