he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.