Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.