I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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