How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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