so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
