he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
my being single is dangerous.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
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We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
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Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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