Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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