Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
