im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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