Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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