her vagine was all disorganized.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
