I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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