hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize