You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
