My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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