I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
