We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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