I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
