i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
