Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
