I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
