Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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