I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
