we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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