Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
