So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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