I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
