Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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