he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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