He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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