Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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