I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
