Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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