i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
