Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
