I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
