So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We left the knife in your bed.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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