I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
