i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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