I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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