Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I believe in your delicious
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
