she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
