Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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