Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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