we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
