it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
