It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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