We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
