I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
