the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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