Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
