TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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