she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
