Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
