Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
